Quixotic Quest: the Musings of a Fellow Pilgrim

Candy ftw!

2008-03-17T15:30:00.003-05:00

The Battle of the Pelennor fields from The Return of the King completely reproduced using candy. What more can I say.

http://missedmanners.wordpress.com/2008/01/03/battle-of-pelennor-fields/

Penguins and Golden Calves

2008-03-15T22:37:00.002-05:00

The title to this post is also the title of a book I cam currently reading. It was written by Madeline L'Engle and is rooted in a trip to Antarctica that she took in 1992 (at the age of seventy-four). She is probably best known for new Newbery award winning children's book A Wrinkle in Time. Like George MacDonald and Hannah Hurnard, she departed from orthodoxy into Universalism, and you should read her work with an awareness of that fact, I still greatly enjoy her writing, and I am particularly enjoying this book.

Given the Antarctic inspiration for the book, I suppose the penguins in the title make sense, but the book is primarily about "icons" (as opposed to "idols" - thus the Golden Calf reference). Here is a quote from the book that will hopefully elucidate what she means when she uses the term "icon":

"If it's impossible for me to describe the wild wonderfulness of Antarctica, it is equally impossible for me to describe what I, personally, mean by an icon. I am not thinking of the icons so familiar in the orthodox church, icons of Christ, the Theotokos, saints, painted on wood and often partially covered with silver. My personal definition is much wider, and the simplest way I can put it into words is to affirm that an icon, for me, is an open window to God. An icon is something I can look through and get a wider glimpse of God and God's demands on us, el's mortal children, than I would otherwise. It is not flippant for me to say that a penguin is an icon for me, because the penguin invited me to look through its odd little self and on to a God who demands that we eb vulnerable as we open ourselves to intimacy which leads not only to love of creature, but to love of God."

I really like the thought that God can use the things of this world to break through and reveal some aspect of Himself to us in a sudden, unexpected and poignant way, and that subsequently, so long as we are careful not to stray into idolatry, we can hold on to some of these as meaningful representations of divine reality and we can revisit them in order to gain a measure of perspective and insight.

I am reading through this book, albeit a bit slowly -- amidst the busyness of life one never has as much time to read as one would wish -- but perhaps that is for the best. I find that I read a bit more slowly not than I did when I was younger. Reading used to be almost a race. The more I liked a book, the faster I would read it. I would devour books, greedy to get through them. I am sure that I got a lot out of them, but I think I missed a lot as well. I continue to learn to slow down and enjoy the journey as I read, especially the book I read for pleasure, relaxation, and rejuvenation. I find that a more measured pace allows me to be a bit more contemplative, meditative, and reflective as I read. I get through less in a sitting, but I get more out of what I do read. Who knows, if I continue this way, maybe by the time I am 50 I will be able to read poetry properly.

I will probably write a bit more about this book in future posts, but I'd better sign off for now.

Road Trip Rituals

2008-03-11T22:16:00.004-05:00

Ok, so for the record, I love taking road trips. I enjoy heading off to parts unknown with a small group of friends. But I enjoy driving by myself even more than taking trips with other people. To clarify a little, I don't necessarily enjoy being someplace by myself. The part I like about solo road trips is the time in the car itself. When I get wherever it is I am going, I would just as soon have good friends there waiting for me. But the time spent alone in the car serves its own purpose.

I think that this is because while driving you get an almost perfect sort of solitude. I've tried going on personal retreats -- off to the mountains, a park, or even a retreat center -- and somehow this sort of solitude is almost distracting. It is too broad. There are no constraints. I've brought reading materials and journals. I've spent time hiking, praying and even a walking a labyrinth. But I would find myself so overwhelmed by the fact that I could be spending my time doing anything that I found that I didn't know what do to.

But in the car, especially during highway driving in semi-desolate parts of the country, there is the perfect amount of structure. The fact that a portion of your mind has to stay focused on the task of actually driving provides just the right level of baseline mental engagement. Beyond that, your mind can float and wander seamlessly between a variety of other thoughts and activities, but keeping your car on the road and out of the ditch keeps you fully in the present moment and frees you from having to ask the question: "What should I do now?" Since you have to be driving, the question then becomes: "What else do I want to do while I am driving?" Maybe for you it sounds like there should be little to no difference between these two states of mind, but for me, the difference is sublime. The answer to this second question is not always even a conscious one. It usually just naturally happens. You are free to reminisce, ponder, meditate, pray, or just drop into a relaxed semi-daze.

Also, once you have had a vehicle for long enough, it becomes a comfortable environment -- indeed, almost an old friend or perhaps even an extension of yourself. Once you get yourself in the right mindset, few times that I remember are as relaxing and rejuvenating as the times I have spent traversing vast stretches of highway alone in my car.

Another thing that helps me get the most out of these driving trips is little rituals that I have developed. For example, on nearly every road trip that I have taken over the past several years I have started out by listening to Caedmon's Call's self titled album (1997). It is nowhere close to my favorite album, but I really like driving to this album. Interestingly enough I almost never listen to it when I am not driving. I think certain albums are just meant to be driven to. And for me, this one has now been permanently associated with starting a long journey. Lately, I have also taken to treating myself to a new CD when I go on a road trip. Before my summer '07 road trip, I bought the Blue Cowboy Bebop soundtrack CD. For my recent Spring Break trip back to Nebraska, I got They Might Be Giant's album "Flood" (which was a nice trip down memory lane for me. I had a tape of this back in my undergrad days that I pretty much wore out). I also have a habit of queuing up U2's wonderful album "The Joshua Tree" while I am driving on I-76 between Ogallala, NE and Sterling, CO.

I think that I will make this a tradition: taking at least one road trip a year and buying a new CD for the time in the car. Oh, and I like buying a new book to read sometime during the trip (NOT while driving!) [I don't mind listening to sermons in the car on a trip, but I don't think I'll even be a books on tape kind of guy. Books are meant to be READ not HEARD]. I bought a nice little book: "Penguins & Golden Calves" by Madeline L'Engle while I was in Nebraska, but discussing that will have to wait until a later post.

Well, this is getting quite long so I'd better sign off. I hope you enjoyed this little excursion into the mind of Justin.

The Blog is Dead -- Long live the Blog

2008-03-09T22:53:00.002-05:00

After being coaxed by my brother-in-law Eric, I have decided to return to the world of blogging. I have never been too great as posting regularly, but my new overly ambitious goal is to actually post once a week. Stay tuned to this space for my occasional musings on life, the universe and everything.

For those that may be visiting this blog for the first time (or the first time in a long time) feel free to nose about in the archives.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-22T14:22:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. It has been a few very busy weeks. I went to a math conference in California the week before last so I had a lot of work to do beforehand to get all of my classes prepped and covered and more work last week when I got back getting caught up with grading, etc.

It is nice to be caught up and to have a few days to relax before plunging into the end of semester rush.

Since it is Thanksgiving day, I thought it would be appropriate to spend a little time reflecting on the past year. In doing so, I have been convicted with the fact that I am not naturally a very thankful person. I tend to be a bit of an idealist, so my focus tends to be more on the future than the past, and more on what is less than ideal and how to go about "fixing" them than on the numerous good things that fill my life.

I also have been thinking that our society is driven by dissatisfaction. Our whole economy is fueled ban fanning the embers of avarice and covetousness into flame and by selling the idea that our happiness is primarily a function of our ability to acquire material possessions. The media also plays upon our fears while simultaneously communicating that if we only had enough money, technology, and information then all that we fear can be held at bay.

For this reason, I believe that it is imperative that we choose to hold the line against these blatant falsehoods. We need to realize that despite the many advantages and comforts that our current society provides (which we can and should be thankful for) our identity, security, comfort, and hope lie elsewhere. I believe that we also need to make a conscious effort to refuse to fall into these prevalent patterns of thought. Instead we should work to value that which is truly valuable and we ought to cultivate a sense gratitude. Our hope and happiness lie outside of ourselves and our destiny is more than just to wring as much pleasure as possible out of this present life. We were meant for more then that, and we can experience this greater life and hope today -- and that is something to be thankful for.

Over a Month

2007-10-08T20:46:00.000-05:00

Well, so much for me updating my blog more frequently. Time has flown this semester and we are almost half-way through. I've been a bit busier than I had hoped I would be this semester, but I am hanging in there. I get a couple of days off from teaching next week. It will be nice to have a chance to catch my breath.

I'll try to write more when I am a little more caught up on life.

2 Weeks In

2007-09-07T22:32:00.001-05:00

Well, I've managed to survive the first two weeks of the new semester. Its been quite hectic -- kind of a blur. Hopefully things will slow down a little now that I am getting into more of a routine.

I volunteered to help teach one of the 5th and 6th grade Sunday school classes at my church, starting this Sunday. I'm not overly thrilled with the curriculum, but I am glad to be working with this age group again.

I also finally finished reading "Above All Earthly Pow'rs" by David F. Wells. Its a bit of a dense read, but a great look at Christianity in the postmodern age and the "seeker-sensitive" movement. I'd highly recommend it. Here are a couple quotes:

" . . . the Church cannot hide itself within a culture but must also speak to that culture from outside itself. To the seeker-sensitive theorists, this kind of "authoritative" faith is what is supposedly puts off the postmodern generations, but one must ask what is so "authentic" about Christians becoming cognitively indistinguishable from the postmodern unbelievers they want to see join their churches?"

"Christianity is not up for sale. Its price has already been fixed and that price is the complete and ongoing surrender to Christ of those who embrace him by faith. It can only be had on his terms. It can only be had as a whole. It refuses to offer only selections of its teachings. Furthermore, the Church is not its retailing outlet. Its preachers are not its peddlers and those who are Christians are not its customers. It cannot legitimately be had as a bargain though the marketplace is full of bargain hunters. No. Let us think instead of the Church as its voice of proclamation, not its sales agent, its practitioner, not its marketing firm. And in that proclamation there is inevitable cultural confrontation. More precisely, there is the confrontation between Christ, in and through the biblical Word, and the rebellion of the human heart. This is confrontation of those whose face is that of a particular culture but whose heart is that of the fallen world. We cannot forget that."

Landed Gentry

2007-08-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

Guess what?

For those of you that have not heard yet, it looks like I will be closing on a new condo here in Moorhead this Friday. Its a nice little two level place in a small building (8 units) about 1 mile from campus. I got it for a pretty fair price, and although I am not excited about physically moving all of my worldly possessions again, I am excited at the prospect of leaving the world of renting and joining the ranks of those who are in the process of paying for their own real estate.

Classes start on August 27th, and our department is also in the process of moving back into out newly renovated building on campus, so I'll have quite a lot of new scenery this Fall. I'm also hoping to put the finishing touches on an article that I'll be submitting to a peer reviewed journal before the start of classes, so it will be a busy couple of weeks.

I'll try to take the time to post some photos of the new place when I have a spare moment.

Phantastic

2007-08-07T17:26:00.001-05:00

I just finished Phantastes by George MacDonald. I read it a few years ago, but I am re-reading it for a Men's Reading group that I am part of up here in Fargo/Moorhead. I really enjoyed it this time through -- perhaps even more than the first time I read it. It is not an easy read, as the plot is a bit disjointed and the language a bit archaic, but to me, that is part of its charm. The book is a sort of Fairy Tale for adults, in the true sense of the word rather than the modern pejorative sense.

Here are a few highlights from the last few chapters of the book. I am not sure if they will make much sense out of context, but I hope you enjoy thinking about them anyhow:

"I learned that it is better, a thousand-fold, for a proud man to be humbled, than to hold up his head in his pride and fancied innocence. I learned that he that will be a hero, will barely be a man; that he that will be nothing but a doer of his work, is sure of his manhood."

"I knew now that it is by loving, and not by being loved that one can come nearest the soul of another; yea, that, where two love, it is the loving of each other and not the being beloved by each other, that originates and perfects and assures their blessedness."

"Yet I know that good is coming to me -- that good is always coming; though few have at all times the simplicity and the courage to believe it. What we call evil, is the only and best shape, which, for the person and his condition at the time, could be assumed by the best good."

I think that this last one is especially good and especially challenging to ponder. When we look at our lives, it is easy to categorize our experiences as pleasant or unpleasant, as good or bad. On what basis do me make that judgment? Also, as we try to make sense of the unfolding story of our lives, which we alternatively consider as to some degree under our control or quite outside our control, do we believe that we are in a comedy or a tragedy? How much, if any, of the script has been written, and how will it end?

Often our current circumstances and emotions dictate the answers we give to these questions. But at the end of it all, it is quite comforting to think that perhaps there is a master story-teller who is scripting the course of our lives, and better yet, he means to bring it to the best conclusion possible. Believing this will undoubtedly force us to give up our role as protagonist in the story of our lives. Under the circumstances, I think that this is a small sacrifice to make.

Breaking the Silence

2007-07-31T11:37:00.000-05:00

Hi folks.

I guess it has been a bit quiet here lately. Sorry about that.
The end of the summer and the beginning of the new school year is rapidly approaching. I've decided that since summer is almost over, I need to start being a bit more productive. I have to really, since there are a couple of important things left on my summer to do list, and I don't want to start the academic year behind.

Tomorrow will mark my one year anniversary living up here in Moorhead. It has been a good first year, but not without its challenges. I am pretty happy with where I am professionally. I enjoy my work and my co-workers at the U, and I am getting good feedback so far (my review from my dept. chair was pretty glowing, but my review from the Dean won't be until September). Socially and relationally speaking, I am not yet where I want to be. I have found a good church and am involved in a pretty good small group there, and I have the beginnings of some solid friendships, but as someone who highly values community and relationships, I don't have those deep friendships that I am used to having yet. I know it takes time to forge these, but it can be hard to remain patient.

By the way, I am going to try to update this blog at least twice a month (or better yet about once a week). We'll see how I do with this. Things have been a bit dismal on the blog front all around (other than Cal who keeps plugging away -- you da man!). Hopefully we can all get things rolling again.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

2007-03-28T23:38:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts. I've been a bit on the busy side, although not overly so, and for some reason I have not felt too much of an urge to blog (is that a verb yet?)

Anyhow, one of the nicest features on my new apartment is a fairly large mirror in above the sink in the "master bedroom" (it feels silly to call it that, since this is a 2-bedroom apartment we are talking about here, but I guess it is by far the larger of the two bedrooms, and it even has a 3/4 bath in it, if you count the mirror and sink along the wall as part of the bathroom rather than part of the room itself -- well, you get the idea).

So, true confession time - I have not cleaned the mirror in a while now, like in well over a month.

At some time in the increasingly distant past it was a sparkling clean, pristine mirror, with nary a spot on it. However, over time, it has been gradually transformed - or perhaps it would be better to say that it has gradually degenerated.
Every time I brush my teeth or carelessly sneeze, (or a random droplet of water splashes, or a speck of dust lands, ...) it leaves a telltale mark behind. I suppose it was probably noticeable when the mirror was clean. Those first few spots and blemishes really stand out, but after a few have collected, one more just doesn't make much of a difference. After a while, you sort of get used to them being there. You learn to look past them. They blend in and become part of the scenery. You no longer notice them because you have somehow forgotten what a clean mirror looks like. It is amazing what one can become accustomed to given enough time -- what we are willing to accept as normal merely because it is familiar.

For some reason, earlier this evening when I paused to look at my reflection while washing my hands, the dirtiness of that mirror stood out and made an impression on me. It is not that there have not been fleeting moments when it has occurred to me that it might not be a bad idea to give that mirror a good cleaning, but for some reason, at that precise moment, I really saw that mirror as it really is. I have looked at it practically every day, but I have not actually seen it for quite some time. It wasn't a pretty picture.

That got me thinking. Perhaps this a bit of a forced metaphor, but I think that often my life is a lot like that mirror. Every day, I am exposed to things from both within and without that stain me. I have the resources available to me to get those things washed and removed whenever I want, but often I let things slide. Soon, I become accustomed to them. I stop seeing them. I am no longer bothered by them because I have become blinded to them by that deadly combination of inattentiveness and familiarity. Things that I ought to recognize as ugly, dirty, and repulsive are instead either ignored, or are lumped into the category of the normal and the acceptable.

Fortunately, if we slow down once in a while and take time to really look at ourselves in light of God's word and who He is, our eyes will be opened. We will remember that cleanness and perfection really look like, and we will see how badly we are missing the mark. In that moment, if we open ourselves up to receive God's grace and mercy rather than running away and hiding in the shadows, God will cleanse us completely and will restore to our consciousness the already present reality that we are perfect in His sight because of the work of His Son.

Well, it is getting late so I'd better wrap this up. I do still have a mirror to clean. Maybe I'll get around to that tomorrow.

Shall I Compare Thee to a Winter's Night?

2007-02-11T23:25:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack or posts. I make it a point not to post when the the air temperature is below zero.

Today will mark the first time in over two weeks that the overnight low will be above -10 degrees (farenheit). The lowest we got was a bitter -26 degrees (around -40 with the wind chill factored in). Today it was a balmy 11 degrees in the mid afternoon. It is amazing how warm that feels by comparison.

All dramatics aside, it really is not all that bad. Extremely cold weather is actually sort of invigorating and cleansing in a way, at least when you have someplace warm and something hot to drink waiting for you when you reach your destination.

Still, I am anxious for Spring - for warmer weather and longer days to arrive. Early Spring has always one of my favorite times of the year, both during my time in Denver and in Lincoln. Those wonderfully fragrant evenings when there is still a hint of cold and yet also a flush of warmth in the night air, and the scent of flowering trees mingles with the sounds of birds and the laughter of water freed from its frozen winter slumber and running down the channels of rivers and streams.

And yet everything is not yet fully awake and alive. This time of the year is the bud and not the bloom. An awakening of hope and a promise of life and renewal, but not the full realization of what the season to come will bring.

Going Home

2006-12-23T06:55:00.000-06:00

Well, I leave for the airport in a few minutes.

I thought I should write a quick note to let all of you faithful blog readers know that I survived my first semester up here in the frigid north. It was difficult at times, but good overall. It can be quite taxing being in a new place with new responsibilities, but I am slowly continuing to get setlled and plugged into the community here. Overall I am encouraged, but in need of some rest and rejuvination.

I'll be flying in to Portland today to spend Christmas with family before heading up to Seattle to ring in the New Year with my brother.

I hope that you are all well, and that you have a blessed Christmas.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

John 1:1-14

Quote of the Week

2006-11-18T18:24:00.000-06:00

It was fun seeing folks down in Lincoln last weekend. The time went pretty quickly, and there's only so much catching up you can do in such a limited amount of time, but I enjoyed the trip. Hopefully next trip down will be more than two days.

Here's a quote from my latest read:

"If it is the case that contextualized theologies have all too often become a doomed enterprise, the reason, the most self-consciously biblical believe, is that the project itself is unnecessary. And there is something to be said for this argument, too. For it is certainly the case that the Word of God, read or preached, has the power to enter the innermost crevices of a person's being, to shine light in unwanted places, to explode the myths and deceits by which fallen life sustains itself, and to bring that person face to face with the eternal God. It is this biblical Word which God uses to bring repentance, to excite faith, to give new life, to sustain that life once given, to correct, nurture, and guide the Church(Jer. 23:29; II Tim. 3:16; Heb. 4:12; Jas. 1:18). The biblical Word is self-authenticating under the power of the Holy Spirit. This Word of God is a means by which God accomplishes his saving work in his people, and this is a work that no evangelist and no preacher can do. This is why the dearth of serious, sustained biblical preaching in the Church today is a serious matter. When the Church loses the Word of God, it loses the very means by which God does his work. In its absence, therefore, a script is being written, however unwittingly, for the Church's undoing, not in one cataclysmic moment, but in a slow, inexorable slide made up of piece by tiny piece of daily dereliction."

Above All Earthly Powers: Christ in a Postmodern World (pp. 8-9) -- David F. Wells

L-Town

2006-11-05T20:47:00.000-06:00

Me
@
Tom's
Wedding
L-Town
Sat.

Food for Thought

2006-10-29T23:04:00.000-06:00

"....Who can compare sufferings? They are unique as each sufferer is unique. 'The heart knows its own bitterness' (Prov. 14:10, NEB). We respond according to our temperments. Some cast about for solutions, stew, fret, rage, deny the facts. Some sink into an oblivion of self-recrimination or pity. Some chalk it all up to somebody else's fault. Some pray. But all of us may be tempted sometimes to conclude that because God doesn't fix it He doesn't love us.

There are many things that God does not fix precisely because He loves us. Instead of extracating us from the problem, He calls us. In our sorrow or loneliness or pain He calls -- 'This is a necessary part of the journey. Even if it is the roughest part, it is only a part, and it will not last the whole long way. Remember where I am leading you. Remember what you will find at the end -- a home and a heaven.'

Courage for the rugged part comes with looking ahead -- as the prospectors did in the Gold Rush days. The heroes of the world's great legends let themselves in for all kinds of fearome troubles because of the promise of a great reward -- the favor of the king, a pot of gold, marriage to a princess. Because there was a shining goal, they entered in with a heart and will to participate in the as-yet unseen and unknown hazards of the dreadful journey. Their heroism lay in acceptance -- a wholehearted acceptance of conditions other men would avoid at all cost -- and in endurance. The dark caves, tunnels, and labyrinths were not problems to be solved but hazards to be traversed, the storms and heavy seas were to be braved, the giants and monsters to be slain. All were accepted and endured in view of the prize.

It is possible both to accept and to endure loneliness without bitterness when there is a vision of glory beyond. This is a very different thing from the sigh of resignation or defeat, the hopeless abandonment to a malevolent fate which merely 'sits there and takes it.' In circumstances for which there is no final answer in the world, we have two choices: accept them as God's wise and loving choice for our blessing (this is called faith), or resent them as proof of His indifference, His carelessness, even His nonexistence (this is unbelief).

....Our lonliness cannot always be fixed, but it can always be accepted as the very will of God for now, and that turns it into something beautiful. Perhaps it is like the field wherein lies the valuable treasure. We must buy the field. It is no sun-drenched meadow embroidered with wild flowers. It is a bleak and empty place, but once we know it contains a jewel the whole picture changes. The empty scrap of forgotten land suddenly teems with possibilities. Here is something we can not only accept, but something worth selling everything to buy."

Elisabeth Elliot
"The Path of Lonliness: Finding your way through the wilderness to God"
p. 107-109

A Joke?

2006-10-06T10:12:00.000-05:00

I received this joke by email today and thought I'd pass it along:

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three grown sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

The first son bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

Her second son bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

Her youngest son wanted to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."

Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

How much are you treasuring the Word of God?

Update

2006-09-22T10:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I survived giving my first round of exams. Its always an eye opener -- you get to see in painfully real terms how much of all that you are trying to get across to your students is actually making it through. My College Algebra class is doing ok so far, but my business math students are really struggling. Grading 160 exams is a lot of work.

In other news, my cell phone mysteriously died a couple of days ago. Fortunately it is still under warranty, so thet are sending me a new one. It should arrive either this afternoon, or on Monday. I'm betting on Monday, although it would be nice to have my phone for the weekend. So if you have tried to call me within the last week and I didn't answer, that's why.

Since I'm caught up on my grading and my prepping, I can actually afford to relax some this weekend, which will be nice. Putting in 12-14 hour days over the last week was starting to get to me.

Job Perks

2006-09-11T15:12:00.000-05:00

So I just found out today that I get a 1 gig iPod shuffle as part of my startup technology package for my job here at MSUM. Who says working in academia isn't cool?

Danger, Long Quote Ahead!

2006-09-02T16:39:00.000-05:00

Hey all,

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. I made it through my first full week of teaching (the partial week the week before was only Thursday and Friday classes) and I am still working on settling in up here in Moorhead. Having a routine helps, but I still feel a bit lost and disconnected. Outwardly things are going well though.

Since it is a three day weekend, I have a little extra time to relax and unwind, and to survey the scenery here, but I also have grading to do (the bane of the teaching profession).

Just this morning, I finished reading "The Drama of Scripture" by Bartholomew and Goheen. It is a good read--fairly quick and very thought provoking. It has a lot to say both about how we read Scripture and about the nature of the reality in which we are living. Here's an excerpt that begins on page 196:

The church of the first century is almost two thousand years removed in time and (for most of us) half a world away in distance. Jesus lived in Palestine, died, and rose again there a little before most of the events recorded in the book of Acts. The ancient nation of Israel sought to walk with God while conquering and settling a homeland in Canaan more than a thousand years before that. The biblical accounts of how all these different people struggled to live faithfully in their distant times and places may seem to have little to do with you and me.

Yet it is not so. The world of the Bible is our world, and its story is our story. This story is waiting for an ending--in part because we ourselves have a role to play before all is concluded. We must therefore pay attention to the continuing biblical story of redemption. We must resist the temptation to read the Scriptures as if they were a religious flea market, with a basket of history and old doctrines here, a shelf full of pious stories there, promises and commands scattered from one end to the other. Some readers of the Bible turn it into little more than an anthology of proof texts assembled to support a system of theology. Others seek only ethical guidance, ransacking the Old Testament for stories of moral instruction. Still others look just for inspirational or devotional messages, for comforting promises and lessons for daily living. The result may be that we lose sight of the Bible's essential unity and instead find only those theological, moral, devotional, or historical fragments we are looking for.
But all human communities, including our own, live out of some comprehensive story that suggests the meaning and goal of history and that gives shape and direction to human life. We may neglect the biblical story, God's comprehensive account of the shape and direction of cosmic history and the meaning of all that he has done in our world. If we do so, the fragments of the Bible that we do preserve are in danger of being absorbed piecemeal into the dominant cultural story of our modern European and North American democracies. And the dominant story of modern culture is rooted in idolatry: an ultimate confidence in humanity to achieve its own salvation. Thus, instead of allowing the Bible to shape us, we may in fact be allowing our culture to shape the Bible for us. Our view of the world and even our faith will be molded by one or the other: either the biblical story is our foundation, or the Bible itself becomes subsumed within the modern story of the secular Western world. If our lives are to be shaped and formed by Scripture, we need to know the biblical story well, to feel it in our bones. To do this, we must also know our place within it--where we are in the story.

Technophobe?

2006-08-17T12:55:00.000-05:00

Well, I've finally, sadly joined the ranks of the cellularly enabled.

I think I got my number out to most of y'all. If you don't have it and want it, drop me a line and ask me for it.

I'm not sure how I feel about theoretically being able to be reached by phone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But then again, noone says I have to turn my phone on all the time, or even answer it when it rings. I still get to decide how and when I choose to make myself available. Is it selfish to want to be able to disappear off the communications grid from time to time? Maybe I am still rebelling against our impatient culture that wants immediate gratification and everything and everyone at their instantaneous beck and call.

Maybe a small part of me wants other people to have to work a little to get a hold of me, and to have to put a little more time, thought, and effort into how they reach me, when they reach me, and what they say when they do. Isn't part of the beauty of relationship that subtle way we negotiate even the minor terms of our interactions? Isn't part of what makes us feel desirable the lengths the other is willing to go to in order to establish communion with us, and the intentionality and consistency of their efforts to do so?

I'd better be careful though, for this is a sword that cuts both ways -- forcing me to evaluate my own life and relationships and the extent to which I engage in reaching out toward others.

Quick Post

2006-08-13T20:44:00.000-05:00

Yo.

I'm back from the Northwest. Had some good times with family in both Portland and Seattle. Helped with a VBS for a few days that happened to be running the week I visited my brother and sister-in-law. I also got to see my niece who happened to be visiting from London the same time I was out.

For the record, I don't believe in cooincindences, and whatever waning belief in them that may have been hiding itself in some dark recesses of my mind has been greatly diminished by the way my life has "fit" together these past few weeks.

Sometimes the pattern and shape of our lives is confusing and hard to see. Other times the curtain is lifted a little, and we are allowed to look back on it so that we are able to see the seamless perfection of the pattern that is being woven into it. This gives a lot of comfort when the way forward is none to clear.

New Wheels

2006-07-15T09:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I found a replacement for my dear old 1985 Honda Accord. I will be picking up a 2000 Subaru Outback wagon either this afternoon or on Monday. I will miss my old car -- it has served me well these past 8 years, but after its journey of over 235,000 miles (although only about 70,000 of them were under my charge) it is running out of steam.

It is funny how we get used to things. I will probably miss even the less ideal things about it, like the dings in the passenger side door, the glitch in the blower fan, and the plastic moulding around the inside that was gradually coming undone. Things that we use everyday can gradually come to feel like an extension of ourselves. Comfortable, familiar.

Even though the replacement will be "better", it is hard not to be at least a little sad, and even to feel like a bit of a traitor for replacing it. In a sense this is only the first in what will be a number of goodbyes.

Leaving Lincoln will be very similar -- leaving the comfortable and familiar for the new and unknown. There is one part of me that embraces the new with a sense of adventure and excitement, but another the mourns losing the old and resists change. The part of me that resists change and views it as loss instead of gain feels stronger at the present moment.

Lazy Days

2006-05-22T12:01:00.000-05:00

Hey folks,

Sorry for the lack of postage lately. Since graduation, I've been doing a lot of nothing, and enjoying it greatly. I'm going to try to pick things up and be a little more productive starting this week. I need to get moving on turning the third chapter of my dissertation into a journal article. I also need to get a few things in order before my summer job at New Student enrollment starts in early June.

In case any of you are out of the loop, I'm going to be moving to Moorhead, Minnesota in late July to start my new job as a professor at MSUM there. I still need to get my housing squared away, and I also hope to replacce my dear old '85 Honda Accord with a newer, more reliable and more blizzard resistant vehicle. As always, your prayers are appreciated.

DONE

2006-04-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

Well, I turned in the final draft of my dissertation and all my paperwork on Tuesday. I also dropped off copies of my dissertation to be bound by printing services today, and I got my doctoral robes from the bookstore. That means that I am officially done.

I'll officially get "hooded" on Friday, May 5th at 3:30pm in Kimball Recital Hall. Y'all can come if you want. I'm not sitting through the big deal at DeVaney on Saturday though. Those of you that are in the lincoln area are invited to my graduation party on Saturday afternoon. I'll get you the details soon.

FYI

2006-03-30T16:33:00.000-06:00

I thought y'all would like to know that I passed my dissertation defense today.

I still have to finish my final revisions and get that plus a lot of other paperwork done, but basically, my graduation is assured now.

Thanks for all your prayer and suport over the past few months.

More on My Disserataion Defense

2006-03-27T16:41:00.000-06:00

Howdy again,

Here's the rest of the details on my dissertation defense:

It will be held on Thursday, March 30th from 1:00-2:00pm in Hamilton Hall room 110.

If you feel like sitting through an hour of incomprehensible mathematical jargon, then you know where I'll be.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Defense

2006-03-21T17:48:00.000-06:00

Howdy all,

I am in the thick of final revisions on my dissertation, so I don't have much time to post. I just wanted to let you know that my dissertation defense is scheduled for Thursday, March 30th. I have a lot to do between now and then.

I'll write more when I have time to come up for air.

Job Offer Decision

2006-03-04T15:07:00.000-06:00

Howdy Folks,

Well, after hearing back from Metro and considering all of the offers I received, I have decided which offer I will be accepting. The HR dept. is putting the paperwork together and will get the contract to me either late next week or early the week after.

If you want to know which school I'll be at next fall, feel free to ask.

More Job Search Stuff

2006-02-27T20:14:00.000-06:00

Thanks to all of you that have been praying for my job search.
Here's the latest:

I have job offers from:

Eastern New Mexico in Portales, New Mexico
Benedictine College in Atchison, Kansas
Dominican University in River Forest, Illinois
Minnesota State University - Moorhead in Moorhead, Minessota

I expect to receive an offer from Metro State in Denver, Colorado sometime this week.

I am waiting to hear back from Grand Valley State University in Allendale, Michigan and from Seattle University in Seattle, Washington.

For these last two, I have been informed that I am not the top choice for the job and that they are waiting to hear back from the top candidate as to whether or not they will take the job. They should know this by the end of this week or early next week. If their top choice does not accept, then the job may fall to me.

I have already contacted ENMU and Benedictine College to let them know that I will not be accepting their offers. I need to get back to MSUM and Dominican University by the end of this week. Things should be getting a lot clearer by this Friday, and will probably be completely settled by sometime next week, althought its hard to say for sure.

Once that is all done, much of my energy needs to switch over to all the work that is needed to finish my thesis revisions so that I can actually graduate.

I'll try to keep y'all posted.

Interview Tour - Spring 2006 (Edit!)

2006-02-13T20:11:00.000-06:00

Tour Dates:

2/06/2006 - Portales, New Mexico (received email offer)
2/08/2006 - Atchison, Kansas (received email offer)
2/10/2006 - Allendale, Michigan (search committee met on 2/14)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
2/16/2006 - River Forest, Illinois
2/22/2006 - Moorehead, Minnesota
2/24/2006 - Denver Colorado
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Waiting in the wings:

Seattle, Washington (TBA)
Fort Meade, Maryland (TBA)
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Interview Update

2006-01-27T15:08:00.000-06:00

Hey all you faithful (but apparently silent) blog readers.

I thought I should let you know that I had a couple of schools get back to me asking about on campus interviews. I'll be headed out to New Mexico and to Michigan for interviews during the first full week of February.

I am still waiting to hear back from my "top 5", but these are both places that I would theoretically be willing to work. I suppose getting interviews is never a bad thing. Being away will make life a bit busier and more complicated as I try to keep up with my dissertation revisions and teaching responsibilities.

It is difficult not to get caught up in the whole process. It is so easy to be up and down emotionally depending on how the job search seems to be going. So much of it is out of my control, and I also find myself struggling with doubt and fear concerning God's providence and in knowing what I even want out of this whole thing.

It is easy to feel like this is such a big step: starting out on my "career". I suppose noone is ever really ready or really sure at the brink of big decisions and life changes like this. But it is in the stepping out into the unknown that we engage in the act of being and becoming who we were created to be. We meet God in that dark place where doubt, fear, and faith collide.

Keep me in your prayers, my friends.

Update

2006-01-20T19:42:00.000-06:00

I'm back from San Antonio. Things went quite well at the conference. My 10 minute talk was excellent, and I had 13 job interviews. I've also had 2 phone interviews since I got back. I have heard back from most of the schools I applied to, but there are a couple of stragglers I am still waiting on. I may have to bug them over the next couple of weeks to find out if I am still in the running.

Now its time to sit back and wait for them to rank all of us hopefulls and schedule on site interviews for the top propects. Usually only the top 2-4 candidates are brought in for these, so if I get some, its a good sign.

I am also trying to keep rolling on revisions on my dissertation so that I can stay on schedule for defending in early March.

I'll try to keep you posted on my progress.

San Antonio

2006-01-10T20:22:00.000-06:00

Hi Folks,

I thought I should write a brief note to let you know that I am back safe and sound form my time up in the great Northwest.

I spent Christmas in Portland with my mom and stepdad, and New Years up in Seattle.

I also had a fun night on the town in Seattle with my brother, little sister and both of their spouses. We saw the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe at a really nice movie theater and had dinner at the cheesecake factory afterwards. It was thoroughly enjoyable.

Now I'm back in Lincoln trying to get the new semester started out on the right foot, with moderate success. I'll be flying to San Antonio for the big annual mathematics conference. I'll be there from Thursday until Sunday. I've got about 10 job interviews while I am out there, and I am also giving a short talk. I'd appreciate your prayers for this time, is it may have a big bearing on my future career.

I am still in the process of trying to discern what the next stage in my life's journey should look like. It is a bit scary, but also exciting as the future begins coming a bit more into focus.

Give me a "D" ... Give me an "E" ...

2005-11-03T20:36:00.000-06:00

I wish that I were in the middle of spelling "DEFENSE" - as in my doctoral defense, but in actuality, I'm spelling "DELAY" - as in my graduation has officially been delayed until next semester.

My advisors told me that they think that there is just not enough time between now and Nov. 21st for us to get all the editing done on my disseration. I'm a bit disappointed, as I was really hoping that I could get things finished up. It would have been a close call though, so perhaps it is best to take a step back so we can make sure that the final product is as good as I can make it.

I'm going to keep working on my revisions -- provided my committee continues to get correction to me that is -- so hopefully by the end of the semester this semester there won't be too much left to do so that can defend early next semester.

Now that graduation has been delayed, I will be a little less busy and stressed. I'm not sure how much less, as I will still have to start to turn my attention to looking for a job for when I get out. Applications for academic job start coming due in late November, and it takes a lot of work to put a complete set of application materials together. I really need some wisdom as to what sort of jobs to be applying for. I've given it a lot of thought and prayer, but still don't have a good sense of what the next step will be.

I'm sure everything will become clear in time.

Another Step Foreward

2005-10-26T21:53:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

Well, I had a great time last weekend heading to the Springs for Matt and Anna's wedding. It was good to reconnect with many old and dear friends.

This week, I pay the price for being gone for 3 days.

I finshed the first draft of my dissertation last night. I was up until about 3:30am finishing up the introduction. With that, I move on to a new stage in my journey toward graduation -- from the writing stage to the revising stage. Deadlines are closing in fast, so things will be a bit touch and go, and my current draft needs quite a bit of "polishing up" before it will be ready to send to my readers.

I need to finish my revisions and get my final "preliminary draft" to the graduate college by November 11th.

Please pray for my progress, and that my advisors will do a good job of getting comments back to me in a timely fashion so that I have time to make revisions based on their comments.

You can also start praying for my job search, as applications start coming due at the end of November, so I'll have a lot of work getting all of my application materials ready, and I need wisdom as to what sorts of jobs to focus in.

Update

2005-09-29T16:48:00.000-05:00

Well, I talked with one of my readers (one of two faculty who have the responsibility of reading my dissertation and making sure that it makes sense and is actually correct) and he wants me to get him a draft by Tuesday October 25th.

I've got about 22 pages done so far, leaving about 60 left to go, plus revisions and corrections after that.

I'm also supposed to be preparing all of my application materials over the next couple of weks so that I can request letters of recommendation so I can apply for jobs by the middle of November.

I guess I have a lot to do this month.

Pray for me if you have the time and the inclination.

Typing Away

2005-09-16T09:42:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of postage...

Life is OK, but a bit on the busy side.

I found out from my committee that they want me to try to defend my doctoral dissertation on November 21st. Man I have a lot to get done in the next two months!

If things stay quiet on the old blog here, you'll know why.

I will try to chime in at least from time to time.

Been a While

2005-08-24T09:46:00.000-05:00

Hey Folks,

Just a quick post to let you all know that I am still alive and well.

The new semester started the day before yesterday, as most of you know, and I've been a bit swamped getting things done for the whole start-up process. It could be a busy and difficult semester for me, but despite that I feel encouraged. My class that I'll be teaching seems like a good group of students, and the material should be interesting. I'm teaching Math 350 - Concepts in Geometry btw. All you mathy types give a shout out ;)

My research has taken a turn for the betterm and it is starting to look like I might actually get out of here sometime soon. Over the next week, I'll be trying to write up the proof of what is supposed to be my last major result.

Finally, I just got my new laptop computer in the mail today. It will be my constant companion as I work on writing my dissertation over the next few months. I need to do a lot to get it set up. This is the first computer I've owned since 1994 - I held out as long as I could. I'm still resisting the urge to get a cell phone. We'll see how long that lasts. Tommy tom tom and T-Gus already betrayed the cause last year, which shows that no-one can resist the hands of time and technological advancement forever. Still, technology can be both a curse and a blessing.

Research Update

2005-06-22T10:50:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd let you all know that I finshed proving the result that I've been working on for the past three weeks or so. It feels good to have this piece done, but there is still lots to do before I can start writing everything up.

Specifically, I have one major missing piece that needs to be proved in order for my main result to be valid. I have turned my attention to finding a good approach to this part of the question, and am starting to make a little progress on it, but I am nowhere close to resolving the issue.

Thanks for those of you who have been praying for my research. I'll try to be more consistent in letting you know how it is going.

Happy Father's Day

2005-06-20T12:33:00.000-05:00

Hi Folks.

I'm trying to post a bit more regularly these days. We'll see how long I can keep it up.

Yesterday was Father's Day, as you probably all know. Father's Day can be a tough day for me since my own Father died from cancer back in 1992, and living far away from family, I tend to just treat it like any other day. This year, I decided that I would try to spend Father's day focusing on and spending some time with my Heavenly Father instead of focusing on the absence of my earthly father. We had some sweet time.

I thought that I'd also like to share the lyrics to a song by a Christian artist named David Meece. I've included a quote from his website about the origins of the song in his own family experience. I hope that you enjoy it.

“One of the few memories I have of my father is that he loved to sit in the same chair and watch TV after work,” David said. “However, he was also very violent and his alcoholism and abuse eventually grew to a point where he just disappeared. So, in the first verse, I talk about my father’s chair, which was empty. In the second verse I talk about ‘my’ chair and how I want my kids to see my chair as a place of love and unconditional acceptance.” Then, in the third verse, David makes the ultimate discovery. “My earthly father was not my real father at all. My ‘real’ father is my Father in heaven and He never left my side for one second. The Father’s chair - His throne in glory - is the chair that will some day draw all His children and none will be turned away.”

My Father's Chair

Sometimes at night I'd lie awake
Longing inside for my father's embrace
Sometimes at night I'd wander downstairs
And pray he'd returned, but no one was there.
Oh, how I'd cry, a child all alone
Waiting for him to come home.

Chorus:
My father's chair, sat in an empty room
My father's chair, covered with sheets of gloom
My father's chair through all the years
And all the tears I cried in vain
No one was there in my father's chair.

Sometimes at night I sit all alone
Drifting asleep in a chair of my own
When sweet sleepy eyes peer down from the hall
Frightened by dreams they cannot recall
I hold them close, calming their fears
Praying they always will say,

Chorus:
My father's chair sits in a loving room
My father's chair, no matter what I do
My father's chair, through all the years
And all the tears I need not fear
Love's always there in my father's chair.

Sometimes at night I dream of a throne
Of my loving God, calling me home
And as I appear, He rises and smiles
And reaches with love to welcome His child
Never to cry, never to fear
In His arms, safe and secure.

Chorus:
My Father's chair sits in a royal room
My Father's chair holds glory beyond the tomb
My Father's chair, my God is there
And I am His eternal heir
Someday I'll share my Father's chair.

N-S-E -- As easy as 1-2-3

2005-06-16T02:03:00.000-05:00

Hi folks.

Since is seems that a few of you still check out this site, I'm going to keep rambling on a bit at least every week or two (at least while I am not travelling).

I'm back from my trip to the northwest now - actually I have been back for a good week and a half. I just didn't get around to posting until now. I always find it difficult to get back into the flow of "normal" life after I've been travelling. Maybe its just me. I really enjoyed my time with family. I only get to see them twice a year, so I try to make the most of it.

I spent Memorial Day weekend in Seattle with my brother and his family. They bought a new house this Spring, and needed to put up a fence around it so that his 3 year old son and not quite 1 year old daughter can play in the yard more safely (there is a semi-busy street adjacent to their lot). We spent the better part of 3 days working on it. Putting up fence is hard work. It was a nice change of pace from sitting inside doing math, but I got a BAD sunburn, my lily white ivory tower academian hands took a beating, and my muscles got a better workout that they have had in quite some time. Although work took up most of my time in Seattle, it was still a nice visit. In a way, the work made it more memorable. Now every time I visit, the fence will be there as a testament to that weekend of work together.

I also had some good times with the rest of my family down in the Portland/Vancouver area. That part of the trip was a bit quieter, which was good as I needed a restful time - as much from the past semester as from the fence building. I got to celebrate my sister's birthday with her on June 2nd - which almost never happens, and I got some quality time with family and some old friends too. I also got to do some major reading, which I always make a point of doing when I travel. I got through 4 and a half books during my trip. I'll fill you in on some of them when I get the chance.

So, now I'm back in Lincoln trying to get some research done and working my summer job with the math department. My advisors are going to be out of town for a few weeks, so I'll have to show some self-discipline. My job this summer is the same as last summer - working at new student enrollment helping freshmen and transfer students get signed up for math classes and recruiting to the special 1st year Calculus program. I've already recruited 20 students. I hope to get about 20 more by the end - July 8th.

Well, I've rambled enough for now. More later...

Wow! A New Post!

2005-05-20T13:31:00.000-05:00

Howdy folks,

Sorry for the long delay in posting. I just haven't really felt much like blogging lately, and life got a little on the crazy side at I got toward the end of the semester. But now its been a couple of weeks since school got out, and I've had some time to get over the stress, burnout, and illness that usually seem to accompany the end of a school-year. I've actually been putting in a lot of hours getting research done. My committee has told me if I can finish the result I am currently working on, that I can start putting together my dissertation. The bad news is that I found a gap in one of my proofs last week, and it is going to take a lot of time and effort to fix it (that is, assuming that fixing it is possible).

With that, I've officially postponed my graduation until December. I'm still going to try to get as close to finished as possible this summer. But until I get my results squared away, it is hard to predict what my progress will be like. The transition from research to writing is really the biggest, and in a sense last obstacle I have to face before graduation. Sure, writing and defending will take time and effort, but the process is more about getting your thoughts expressed clearly and correctly in writing at that point rather than the unpredictable nature of research where weeks of work can evaporate in a mere moment.

Anyhow, I'm heading out to the pacific northwest to visit family from next Wednesday through June 4th. After that, I'll be working for the math department doing New Student Enrollment (the same job I had last summer) and also working hard to get my research done so I can start writing. Please be praying for my progress. It can get frustrating being so close and yet so far from being done. It can be hard not to get discouraged at times.

Anyhow, am going to try and be better about updating this throughout the summer, but that comes with one proviso - you guys need to let me know if you are still reading this blog. If no-one is going to read what I write, I have much better ways of spending my time and energy.

I'll leave you with a quote from Sundar Singh - A Christian Mystic from India:

"Belief in the future life has been found among all nations at all times. Desires imply a possible fulfillment. Thirst implies the existence of water, and hunger of food. The desire to live forever is itself a proof of its fulfillment. Again, we have some higher, nobler desires of the Spirit which cannot be fulfilled in this world. Therefore there must be another spiritual world in which those desires can be met. This material world cannot by any means satisfy our spiritual cravings. The soul's real desire can only be satisfied by God who has created the soul and the desire for him inherent in it. Because God has created man in his own likeness, man has in him something of the divine nature which longs for fellowship with him. Like seeks like by the laws of being. And when we are rooted in the Eternal Being, we shall not only feel satisfied, but also have eternal life in him."

Happy (Almost) Valentine's Day

2005-02-13T03:02:00.000-06:00

Howdy folks,

I wasn't planning on doing two "holiday" postings in a row, but I didn't get around to posting last week (I've been pretty busy) so here we are...

Friday ended up being a pretty fun day. After teaching, I had lunch with my friend Ami at the Union, and we ended up with a table full of mostly international students and had some great conversation on a broad variety of topics.

After that, I ran a few errands, and then headed off to Church for the dress rehearsal for the Valentine's Day Banquet that we hold every year. I normally wouldn't go, as its mostly for couples, and also Java Love is the same day, but somehow I got talked into helping provide entertainment for the evening.

My friend Jane Linsenmeyer coordinates our efforts and wrote most of the script. We basically did a variety show based on the Regis and Kelly Lee Show. And No, I wasn't Regis. Jane was Kelly Lee, and her friend Jason was Regis. As guests, they had the winners of last year's Mr and Mrs Oak Lake Pageant, some French Chefs who did a live cooking demonstration, a musical Guest, and a Valentine's Day Quiz in which couples from the audience were pulled up on stage to answer Newlywed Game type of questions.

I was the musical guest - Justin TimberLuvin' Jackson. I don't actually get to sing solos very often, and I actually do enjoy performing, so it was a lot of fun, and the response from the audience was overwhelming. I sang "Almost Like Being in Love", "The Great Pretender", and "My Funny Valentine".

The show as a whole was a big success. People laughed really hard at times, and really enjoyed it. The cast really threw themselves into their roles. It is really fun to be part of something like that, but it is also time consuming.

After the Banquet, I headed over to catch the end of Java Love, and made it in time to hear see the last skit, and to hear Bob and Sandy Walz share about their relationship. I was really encouraged about what they had to say. It was very God-honoring, and focused on the idea that only God can fully meet our need for love and intimacy, and also that God makes each of us uniquely, and He writes a different story for each of us in the events of our lives and in our relationships. They gave some really good examples, stories, and principles, and shared openly about their difficulties and struggles, and how God revealed Himself to them through them.
I heard that the other speakers were really good too, but as I wasn't there to hear them, I'll leave comments about them to others.

Anyhow, I hope that this Valentine's Day you are able to fully receive and experience intimacy with the only true and perfect lover of your soul - God Himself.

Happy Groundhog Day!

2005-02-02T12:07:00.000-06:00

Hiya All.

I thought I'd take a moment to recognize one of the least appreciated holidays of the year. This is probably because it is based around the concept that a ground rodent residing in a small rural town in Pennsylvania somehow possesses preternatural abilities pertaining to prognosticating the nascence of the vernal season, which we all know is utter hooey.

Despite the fact that I am not a fan of the holiday, I am a big fan of the movie of the same name (starring Bill Murray). So much so, that I list it among my classic comedic favorites, (alongside Better Off Dead, and Some Like it Hot) and I try to watch it once a year around the time of the actual day.

That being said, I'm thinking of arranging a viewing this weekend, so if you are out here in Lincoln land and want to join in the festivities, give me a ring and I'll get you the details.

I'd also like to give you all a chance to chime in on the movie -- in a way appropriate to the season. So the question is whether watching Groundhog Day the movie equates to the coming of an early spring, or to six weeks of bitter winter.

More Ferguson

2005-01-27T11:49:00.000-06:00

Heya Folks.

I finished the Sinclair Ferguson book, "A Heart for God", so I thought I would post some random snippets from the final Chapter to give y'all some food for thought, as well as a glimpse of what I have been thinking about and meditating on recently.

Here goes:

"Somewhere along the line, the idea of being a decisive and determined Christian has lost out in the fashion stakes. We have let the world squeeze us into its mold. For there, in the world, the idea of permanent commitment is rare indeed, either in employment or in marriage .... God calls us to promise ourselves to Him in a lifelong commitment of faithfulness and obedience."

"And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Take care lest you forget the LORD your God by not keeping his commandments and his rules and his statutes, which I command you today, lest, when you have eaten and are full and have built good houses and live in them, and when your herds and flocks multiply and your silver and gold is multiplied and all that you have is multiplied, then your heart be lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water, who brought you water out of the flinty rock, who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end. Beware lest you say in your heart, 'My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.' You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day." Deuteronomy 8:10-18

"It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the LORD loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, and repays to their face those who hate him, by destroying them. He will not be slack with one who hates him. He will repay him to his face." Deuteronomy 7:7-10

A heart wholly satisfied with the Lord's provision keeps us fresh and eager to remember and serve Him . . . . The other essential cure for spiritual amnesia is a heart wholly submitted to the Lord's will.

The goal is God Himself
Not joy, nor peace;
Not even blessing,
But Himself, my God.
'Tis His to lead me there,
Not mine, but His--
At any cost, dear Lord,
By any road

I Wish I Were Donne

2005-01-18T19:40:00.000-06:00

Heya faithful blog readers.
I guess its been over a week, so its time to post again.
Thanks for your patience.

The title of my post today is meant to be a play on words. I'll let you ponder it's many layers of meaning.

Its most transparent aspect is the poem that follows, one of my favorite sonnets written by John Donne, and brought back to my attention because it was quoted in the book by Sinclair Ferguson that I have been reading.

Here goes... Enjoy!

Batter my heart, three personed God; for You
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurped town to another due,
Labor to admit You, but oh! to no end;
Reason, Your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love You, and would be loved fain,
But I am betrothed unto your enemy.
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to You, imprison me, for I

Except You enthrall me, never shall be free;
Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me.

Another Semester Begins

2005-01-10T19:09:00.000-06:00

Well, I am back in Nebraska, safe and sound. My travels actually went really smoothly, which was a blessing. I enjoyed my time with family, and the math conference was ok, but not overwhelming (positively or negatively). I think that 3 weeks on the road is about my limit. Its good to be back home.

I had a great time at my roommate Rob's wedding Saturday. There were tons of old friends there that I hadn't seen for a while. It was good to catch up a bit with most of them, but there is never as much time as one would like for things like that. It was a beautiful and God-honoring ceremony, and a fun-filled dinner and reception. I'll miss having Rob for a roommate, but my guess is that he will like his new roommate better than his old ones.

As most of you already know, classes started today. I taught my first session, but am off tomorrow as I am teaching Calc 3, which is a 4 credit class, so it only meets 4 times a week. I am hoping to make Tuesdays a major day for research this semester. I'm a bit behind on my prepping since the conference ran so close to the start of the semester. I should be able to get caught up over the three day weekend. I hope so, as I really want to get things started on the right foot. Life is a bit chaotic after being gone for so long.

I also wanted to mention that I have been reading a book by Sinclair Ferguson called A Heart for God. I'm four chapters in, and it has been a great read so far. I thought I would close this post with an excerpt from the book:

"Since I was a little boy nothing has fascinated me more than the knowledge of God: Who is God? Can God be known? If He can be known, how do we discover Him? Now, in later years, I realize that these are not merely the questions of childhood; they are the most important questions in the universe. Moreover, they lie at the heart of the Christian faith. Christians do not always see that as clearly as they should. Perhaps that explains why we are not all we ought to be, either in our worship in the church or in our witness to the world. My hope is that these pages will contribute, in some way, to more God-centered living.
For this reason, A Heart for God is oriented towards biblical exposition. It is only as Christ's words remain in us and we remain in Him that we will be delivered from the rootless Christianity so characteristic of our times. As His Word influences us, we begin to bear fruit and prove to be His disciples (John 15:5-8). Only as God's Word impacts the way we think, live, and feel will we develop hearts that are characterized by obedience to God and filled with love for Him."

JJ

Sleepy in Seattle

2004-12-28T01:08:00.000-06:00

I hope that everyone out there had a wonderful Christmas. I did. It was nice to have most of the family together. My oldest sister and her daughter weren't here this year (they have a pretty good excuse, as they live in England). The rest of us all got together on Christmas day and had a wonderful time.

It was a little bit of an adventure though. One of the breakers in the electrical panel developed a short late on Christmas eve, the circuit that powers much of the kitchen and dining room, as well as the lights in the basement. Normally, that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but we didn't have a spare, and of course there wasn't a hardware store open that late, nor would there be any open on Christmas Day. My stepdad would reset the breaker, and half of the lights would come back on. After 30-40 minutes the breaker would cool down a bit, and the other half would start working again. Then, some indeterminate amount of time later (ranging from 25 minutes to 5 hours) the breaker would flip, and the process would start all over again.

My mom was really concerned that the power would go off in the middle of cooking the roast, or maybe worse, in the middle of Christmas dinner with the whole family and other company there. But God was merciful, and the breaker held until the guests had left. We did end up playing games after dinner by candlelight. Its sobering to be reminded just how much we depend on modern technology and its conveniences in everyday life. It would be interesting to try to go through a day without using any electricity. Anyone up to the challenge?

Things like that make for good memories though. I'm sure that for years to come, we will remind one another of "blackout Christmas" - or whatever it ends up being called.

I'm in Seattle right now, and will be up here visiting my brother and his family for the rest of the week. Even though it is still technically Christmas Break, I am going to get back to work starting tomorrow. I have to get ready for teaching next semester, and also I need to get caught up on my research.

I'll try to post again before I leave for the big math conference in Atlanta next week.

Merry Christ-mas

2004-12-24T10:41:00.000-06:00

"And the word became flesh and dwelt among us,
and we have seen His glory,
glory as of the only Son from the Father,
full of grace and truth."

- John 1:14(ESV)

JJ

Break Time At Last

2004-12-19T22:47:00.000-06:00

Hi all,

Just a quick note to let you know that I am safe and sound out in the Pacific Northwest. I flew into Portland today, and my travels went remarkably smoothly - which is a nice change as I've had delays and/or baggage troubles the past few times I've travelled. I am quite glad to leave behind the bitter Nebraska winter that seemed to arrive last night just in time to see me off on my travels.

I am actually across the border in Washington hanging out with my sister and brother-in-law right now. I am typing in the computer lab of the high school where my brother-in-law works. He runs the "behavior disorder" classroom here, or whatever the new politically correct term is now. He's really good at his job - I'd never be able to do it, I don't think I'd have the patience for it, but he has the right gifting for it.

I enjoyed all of the graduation parties this past week, but it was a bit sobering to see so many that I have known and ministered with so long are leaving now or at the end of the school year - hopefully myself included. But it is also exciting to think that there is so much looming on the horizon for all of us. We may be scattered to the four winds, but we will have so many opportunities to build the kingdom in new places and in new ways as we turn the page toward new seasons of life.

I'll try to write again soon, but in case I get busy with family stuff, have a blessed Christmas, and may Jesus be your life, hope, and focus in the coming days.

JJ

7 Days Makes One Weak

2004-12-08T20:05:00.000-06:00

Howdy All,

Sorry for the lack of postage lately. Its that crazy end of the semester time of year, so its hard to find the time. If I can make it through the next seven days, I'll pretty much be done for the semester, although I'm trying to decide how much of a break I can afford to take.

That's the main bad things about being at this stage of my career. The fact that I don't have classes to go to or finals to take is nice and all, but on the other hand, my work is never done, even between semesters. Also, I am running a little behind on where I need to be to guarantee graduating in May, and I can't afford to lose momentum during Christmas break.

I am going to try to keep working hard though the end of the semester, and then find the right balance between time relaxing with family, and spending enough time on research to keep sharp, and at least be inching foreward so that I can hit the ground running at the beginning of next semester.

I am looking foreward to finding out what I will teach next semester. I put in my request earlier this week. I am also looking foreward to tomorrow. We are having a marathon 5 hour session to finish what was originally the last two weeks of the Philippians class I am taking through MIQRA this semester. It should be a good and cup filling time.

I am also looking foreward to the many Christmas and graduation parties that will fill most of my non-research/non-sleeping moments over the next 10 days, and finally, I am looking foreward to Dec 19th when I hop on a plane and head off to the great Northwest to see my family. I am going to try to post at least once more before I leave town, especially as my access may be a bit spotty while I am on the road.

I hope that y'all are at least surviving, if not thriving, and that you are able to get into the Christmas Spirit sometime in the next week or two.

JJ

Words

2004-11-19T22:40:00.000-06:00

Howdy Folks,

I noticed today that it has been over two weeks since my last post, so I thought that I had better step up to the plate and post something.

Life has continued these past 16 days in much the same manner as the 16 previous to that. I'm trying to make slow steady progress on my research, with varied levels of success, and trying to do my best to stay balanced in other spheres of existence as well. In the midst of this, I find my thoughts turning more and more to what awaits me in life after college - whenever that comes. Not much about that is in focus yet, but I continue to pray and ponder.

I've also been spurred on in my thinking by the MIQRA class on Philippians - especially passages like:

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Phil 1:20-21

or

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:7-14

One can't read stuff like this without being forced to do a little introspection as to the degree to which my life, values, priorities and passions fall in line with what is described there. Definitely convicting and challenging stuff.

Thanks for listening.

JJ

Ketchup

2004-11-03T17:04:00.000-06:00

I had a great time at the Main Event the weekend before last. I am glad that I went. It was fun to see many old friends, to experience intense fellowship, and to be challenged from the Word. I particularly enjoyed the missions emphasis this year. I plan to spend some time in prayer over the next few weeks and months over what my place in world missions should be. We'll see where that leads.

One thing that the conference brought home to me is how much I miss being actively involved in campus ministry. I have felt a bit out of the loop this semester: not teaching, not leading prayer team, and not doing staff stuff, but I had also gotten used to my new routine and responsibilities, so I was starting to forget how much I missed certain things. Its actually been a bit hard getting back to the old routine since then, but I'll manage.

Since I've been back, I've been frantically playing catch-up on all the things that I didn't get done the three days I was gone. I'm close to back on top of the pile now, but it will probably take until Monday for me to get completely caught up.

Last weekend was the MIQRA quarterly seminar on the book of Acts. It was great. I won't even try to summarize the content now, as it was four hours of stuff, but I was particularly intrigued by some ideas shared on "intertextuality" - meaning taking our cue on Biblical interpretation from how the Bible interprets itself. We looked at a fairly thourough list of all the places where the book of Acts quotes of alludes the the OT, and how the reference reflected the NT authors understanding of the OT passage. If you ever have the opportunity to go to one these, I recomend it. The $45 dollar and 4 hour investment is well worth it.

Anyhow, I'd appreciate it if y'all would pray for my research and my efforts to discern God's will for my future beyond this year. Research had been going better, but I am at a crossroads in the process. I am also hating putting together all the resources and materials for an academic job search. The process itself is annoying, but beyond that, the reality is that I am just not very excited about the prospect of getting that sort of a job. My heart is really not in it. I read the job listings and try to picture myself doing the job described, and I think Yuck! I don't want to do that. its perplexing to say the least.

Thanks for listening (reading?) my rant.

Too Much Silence

2004-10-18T09:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the long lapse in posting. No real reason for it, I've just not had much to say. Anyhow, I should mention that I was able to finish proving the theorem that I have been working on for the past few weeks. Its my first major new result since last Spring. It is encouraging to actually be making progress, but I still have a long road ahead of me. This result, along with all of my previous work only makes up about 1/3 of what I will need for my dissertation.

Getting this result is also a bit bittersweet. This is due to the fact that there has been a certain simplicity to my research recently. I knew what I was trying to prove, and things were slowly moving foreward. I was able to be singleminded. Now, I have what I call the "What's Next" phenomenon. I need to figure out how to proceed -- how to build on my current efforts and expand to something new, which I find to be one of the more difficult parts of my job.

I am also starting to feel some mounting pressure about my post degree life. I really need to start figuring out what the next step is going to be. I'm working on getting together all of the necessary materials to do an academic job search. Well, I have been picking away at it at least. I don't really feel like doing it, so I've been putting large parts of it off, and now have to work these next couple of weeks to get caught up so that I will be ready for some deadlines coming up.

I had a nice trip down to K-State Thursday. Tom Morris and I drove down together to hear Ben Chesnut speak at the Nav-Nite and to hang with folks down there. It was fun to see what the ministry is like down there, and also good to catch up with Ben and Jenny and to hear about how life is going for them on their new campus.

Well, this post is getting long, so I'll save the rest of my thoughts for the next one. Maybe I'll post before the end of the week (gasp! two posts in one week?!?). If not, I'm sure I'll have a lot to say after getting back from the Main Event this coming weekend.

Research Rollercoaster

2004-09-23T19:23:00.000-05:00

I guess its been a while since I've done a "real" post. Sorry about that.
I've been busy, I've not had the energy to write when not busy, and I've not had anything to say when not busy and not too lethargic to write.

Now I'm still pretty busy, and not too energetic, but I do have some things to say, so here goes:

Most of my life right now is focused on trying to get all of the research done for my math dissertation. As I mentioned before, I'm not taking classes or teaching classes, and my role with Navs is greatly reduced. I'm getting better at being self-disciplined, organizing my time, and putting in time on research despite the absence of structure and a dearth or external motivation, but I'm still not where I want to be on those issues.

Where I'm really continuing to have a difficult time is with the research process itself now. Its a funny business. Trying to prove something that no-one has proved before is no picnic, but what really get to you is not knowing exactly what you are trying to prove. You have to try to get your head around the area you are looking at and try to get a sense for what might be true (and what might not be true - sometimes disproving something is as nice if not nicer than proving it).

Then once you have a strong suspicion that something might be true, you have to do a lit search to make sure that someone else hasn't already found out that what you think is true is actually true. If they have, its back to the drawing board. If they havn't, you see what similar things they have done, and whether anything they used to prove what they proved applies to your idea.

Usually, there are a few related papers you have to then either download, or get from the library and at least skim for content. Sometimes there are ideas that you can try to adapt, but usually, you just get a few ideas about why your initial suspicions are more or less likely to be true, and some vague ideas of what to try.

Then the hard part starts. You look at examples, try to prove special cases or preliminary related ideas and hope that things start to add up to an idea of how to prove what you REALLY want to prove. Often, ideas fizzle, or examples don't make sense, or you can't quite get the small preliminary results to work out like you think they should. When it gets really bad, you start running out of ideas and your brain goes numb and you spend an hour or two just staring blankly at a vast collection of papers, sketches, and random scrawlings on scratch paper hoping and praying that some coherent thought about how to proceed will come to mind.

After a few days (or weeks) of this, you usually end up scrapping the whole idea, or at least setting it aside temporarily, and you move on to another idea. Knowing how long to persist before doing this is one of the most difficult things to discern.

After repeating this cycle some indeterminate number of times, you sometimes actually succeed in proving at least part of what you set out to do. When this happens, you have to put together all of the details of your idea and make sure that you didn't make some drastic error in logic that invalidates your entire argument. If there is an error, you see if there is a way to fix it, and if not, its back to the drawing board. If there are no "unfixable" errors, then you can formally write up your result and show it to your advisor. Then you reach another fork in the road where you have to decide which, if any, of all the possible ways to extend this result are worth spending time working on, and the process begins again.

So that's a little window into the world of my research.

On a brighter note, after a couple of weeks of really struggling, I was able to prove most of a small result this afternoon, so I am now at the point described above where I have to check to see if there are any errors in my thinking, and hopefully soon afterwards write it up and start thinking about how to go on from there.

Thanks for listening...

A Lyrical Interlude

2004-09-13T16:51:00.000-05:00

I've been listening to (and really enjoying) the latest offering from Jars of Clay: Who We are Instead. Its sort of a Blues/Folk-Rock/Gospel fusion with thought provoking lyrics, solid instrumentals, and haunting melodies.

Here are the lryics from a couple of my favorites on the album for your enjoyment:

Jealous Kind

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

Chorus: You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables
With the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Tryin' to jump away from a rock that keeps on speading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

Amazing Grace

I grew this heart into a drifter
I never felt the roots I bare
I sold my sight, oh brother, sister
For a mountain of fools gold, it's gone
Only God knows, God knows where

My soul was restless for redemption
My feet were lookin' for a place to stand
Well I ain't got no life
And you know I ain't got no money
Just the faith of an empty hand

I hitched a ride, I was a begger
I had murder on my hands
I needed water to rinse these stains
But only blood could remove what's spillin'
And pardon me the blame

Chorus: Amazing grace, I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

Homebody

2004-09-02T15:38:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back from my latest grand adventure.

Actually, I've been back for a while now, but I haven't had the time or energy to post. I guess strictly speaking there have been times over the past few days when I had the energy but not the time, others where I had the time but not the energy, and still others when I had neither the energy nor the time. But alas, until now, both of these spheres crucial for successful blogging failed to converge during a single point in time.

Anyhow, my trip up to Minnesota went well. I had smooth sailing on both the drive up and the drive back (for the record, my car rocks. It may be old and a bit creaky, but it has it where it counts. This makes two roadtrips in the past month, both over 700 miles round trip, and no problems on either one. This car has definitely been a blessing).

I had great time with family. I particularly enjoyed reconnecting with my older sister (whom I hadn't seen for over five years -- but seriously folks, London is a long ways away) and meeting her four year old daughter for the first time. I also got some time with a random assortment of other uncles, aunts and cousins. We spent most of the time in the town of my birth, Mankato. We moved away when I was 6, and I haven't been back for a real visit since 1992, so it was fun but also weird to see places that I remembered as a kid like our old house and the park we used to spend time playing in.

Three days goes by pretty fast, so before I knew it, we were saying our goodbyes and I was headed back to Lincoln. Since then I've been trying to get caught up on life. I've been gone so much and been in so many places - each a different world unto itself - that I'll be glad to spend a quiet weekend here in town. I've travelled enough for a good long time. I'm ready for normal life for a while, whatever that means.

The First Weak of the Semester

2004-08-26T17:45:00.000-05:00

Hello all of you faithful blog readers.

Sorry for the dearth of posts lately. Hopefully as the semester progresses I'll get in to a more consistent schedule, which will help me to post at more or less regular intervals.

I guess that my last post left off just as I had arrived back in Lincoln last Thursday. I should mention that Friday was my birthday, which means that I am now 2^5 years old - a pleasant age, and not just mathematically speaking. By the time my age is one again a power of two, I will have almost reached retirement age, assuming I make it that long - plus even if I do, I don't ever plan to retire. I may change vocations later in life, but as long as I am physically able, I plan to work to contribute to society and to build the kingdom in some way. Life is too precious of a gift to waste it on retirement.

As always, my birthday fell smack dab in the middle of the week before classes. But, this was less of an inconvenience than usual. For the first time since I have been back in graduate school, I didn't have to spend my entire birthday in all day TA orientation meetings. Since I am not teaching since I am on fellowship this semester, and since I already did my time running orientations for younger incoming TA's, all I had to do was go to the 1-1/2 hour general department meeting after lunch. So, for the first time in 7 years I got to sleep in on my birthday, and for the first time in 7 years, I got to spend part of the day with family.

Those of you who have read my previous posts know that my parents recently bought an RV. Well they loaded 'er up and drove out to Lincoln (they were actually on their way to Minneapolis for a big 50th birthday party for my mom's sister). They times things out so that they arrived on my birthday, and we spent the evening together. My folks have only been to Lincoln once before since I started school here, and when they were here last, they got hooked on Lazlo's. So, we decided to go there for dinner. If they were open for breakfast, I bet my stepdad would have tried to get up and go again before they got back on the road.

All in all it was a good birthday.

Since then, it has been a bit of a weird start to the semester. I'm not doing Nav staff or LESTER this year, so the first weekend it was strange not to do saturday workshops and Big Red Welcome recruiting. And since I am not teaching and not taking any classroom courses (I'm only registered for dissertation hours this semester), it has been strange not having classes to attend or lessons to prep, or student's names to learn, or papers to grade. Don't get me wrong, I still have plenty to do. But I'm used to a certain rythm of life and activities, and this semester is going to be very different. I am going to have to have a lot more self-discipline, as there is very little outside accountability on the things that I need to be accomplishing with my time and energy - which is good. This is an area that I could stand to build more character in. I have always been one who responds better when there is external pressure, or visible consequences for failing to get things done. But I aspire to be one who is internally motivated, and who is consistent about living right and doing right regardless of the external.

I think I eased into the semester a bit too much to start with. It was hard to get back into the swing of things after being away for a month. Honestly I felt like I was going through culture shock my first 3-4 days back in town. Hopefully next week will be a good productive week.

This weekend, I'll be driving up to Minnesota to visit with family - I'm getting a lot of family time in this month. My sister from London flew in earlier this week and will be here until early next week. I haven't seen her for 5 years, and I'll be meeting by 4 year old niece Annoushka for the first time as well. i'll also be reconnecting with a lot of extended family that have been off the radar screen for several years as well. Please pray for my drive up there and back (my car's been fantabulous, but it is about 20 years old and has 221,000 miles on it), and for good time with family.

I'd better sign off - my friend Chuck and I were supposed to go to dinner 10 minutes ago, and I think he is ready to gnaw my right arm off...

Back in NE

2004-08-23T15:56:00.000-05:00

Howdy folks,

Just a quick note to let you all know that I am back in Nebraska.
My travels back to the land of corn were fairly good. After leaving Eugene, I spent a couple of days with my folks back up in Portland. we got to celebrate my stepdad's birthday (we actually celebrated it twice - once on Sunday with his extended family, and then on Monday, his actual birthday with just the immediate family). We went to this ridiculously expensive (and ridiculously good) steakhouse in downtown Portland. This is the sort of place where the steaks are 30 bucks apiece, and then you have to pay more to get side dishes. Considering the fact that my weekly grocery bill is around $20, that seemed to be a lot to pay for a single meal, but he has been wanting to go to this place for 4 or 5 years, so he decided to splurge and take us out there. If you are curious to hear about how a $30 steak tastes, I can say that there is a difference. While I was sitting in the dimly lit swanky restaurant, eating a perfectly cooked medium rare ribeye steak and sipping an oversized, half-full glass of cabernet sauvingon I had a flashback to that scene in the original Matrix movie where Cypher is meeting with the agents to betray Morpheus.

"Ignorance is bliss."

After my time in Portland, I flew into Colorado Springs before Driving up to Denver to spend a couple of days with some old and dear friends from my High School and early College years. (Hmm... I guess I've been in college far too long, since I have to divide my college friends into four categories: early, middle, late middle, and present). The flight out was OK, but there was a 2 and a half hour delay on my connecting flight, and then the airling misplaced my bags and had to ship them up to me in Denver later that night (they were supposed to get there at 11:00pm, but didn't get there until 1:00am. Good thing we were up playing cards until then.)
My time in Denver was really good. It was just fun to see folks - it had been a couple of years, and we just picked up where we left off and just enjoyed being together. We managed to squeeze a lot in during the two days I was in town.

My drive back to Lincoln went really smoothly. It was a cool day with a light drizzle falling during most of the drive, which is good as my car doesn't have AC. Traffic was light and I made good time, and it was nice just to have some time to myself to process all that had happened over the summer, and all that is on the horizon for the coming year. I enjoy time to think and reflect, and time to plan and look ahead as well. So often, life is so overwhelming that all you have time to do is to try to survive or endure the moment. Perspective is a luxury that is often hard to afford.

Hmm...

This is getting a bit long, so I think that the weekend and the start of the week will have to wait until another time.

Headed North by Northeast

2004-08-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I sat through my last lecture, finished packing up all of my stuff, had my last meal at the dorm cafeteria (it was wierd being back in a dorm setting), and here I am sitting in the library on the U of O campus one last time.

I'll be heading north to Portland in a little less than an hour. All in all the mini course out here was a pretty good experience. I'm glad I got a chance to go, but I'm ready for a little R&R. It will be good to spend the weekend with my folks, but I am starting to feel a homeward pull.

Travelling is fun for a while, but it gets hard living out of a suitcase and not having all your stuff or your own living space. Not having a schedule or a routine is freeing for a while, but I am starting to miss the comfort of structure, the familiarity of life's baseline that we call "normal" - if that term can be said to have any real meaning.

I am sure that I will greatly enjoy whatever comes my way in the next 5-6 days of my ongoing adventures, but it will be good to get back to Lincoln.

My Brain Is Fried

2004-08-11T18:48:00.000-05:00

Hi folks,

After sitting through an hour and 45 minute lecture this morning, and a 2 and a half hour lecture this afternoon, I think that my brain has reached (and perhaps exceeded) its capacity for processing information today. I am surprised that I am even able to form coherent thoughts at the moment. Then again, perhaps what I am thinking and writing at the moment is not coherent, and only seems so to me in my current state. Perhaps this is all just rambling nonsense that I will look back on tomorrow and wonder exactly what it was I was trying to say.
I calulated that we sat through the equivalent of nearly two weeks worth of graduate math lectures today alone.

Anyhow, there are two more days left in the program out here at the University of Oregon, and though it has been a worthwhile experience, I will be glad to be on the other side of it so that I can enjoy a little down time before the upcoming schoolyear begins.

I have a lot to think about as the start of school approaches. I'd like to do some prioritizing, and some personal goal setting. Perhaps I'll ramble a little about that when I have had some more time to think and pray about what this next year should look like.

Wanton Profundity

2004-08-09T18:52:00.000-05:00

Rutabagas: alimentary fallacy or anagogic mystery?

Let me know if you have any thoughts on this important controversy!

Mathematical Musing

2004-08-09T18:33:00.000-05:00

A comment Jenny made on her blog (babysunflower.blogspot.com) got me thinking about connections between posts and comments. It got me wondering, and so I spent a little time looking for patterns, and here's what I came up with:

There seem to be four main factors that impact the number of comments that a blog post gets. I've listed them in what I believe is the order of their level of impact.

First and foremost is traffic - that is how many people read the post.

Second is the length of the post. There seems to be an inverse relationship here. That is, as the length of the post increases, the number of comments it elicits decreases.

Third is content: what does the post say. Certain topics generate more interest and feedback than others. (this is a bit vaguer than I would like, but I'm still trying to quantify what makes a topic "buzzworthy")

Fourth is what I would term an active request for feedback. That is, if the post contains a question (either specific or open-ended) directly addressed to the reader, then it will typically generate more comments.

Now, there are certainly factors that impact commenting that are on the side of the reader (e.g. mood, speed of internet connection, time available, relationship with the "poster", and the commenter's own communication agenda) , but as these are generally out of the control of the blogger, I've chosen to omit them from my analysis.

I'll let you know if have any additional insights, or if I have to amend my theory.

Back In Eugene

2004-08-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

Howdy folks.

I'm back from my grand weekend adventure.
I had a great time with my family over the past few days. A lot happened, so I figured why not give a quick play by play.

On Friday, I skipped the afternoon lecture for my math class (I know, shame on me...). My parents picked my up on campus and we drove back to Portland and grabbed a quick dinner at home before heading downtown on Portland's quiet and efficient light rail system. We went to the Rose Garden (the big auditorium where the Portland Trail Blazers play) and saw a great concert featuring the David Crowder Band, Mercy Me, and Michael W. Smith. It was a bit weird to be at a concert with my parents, but after I got through my "I must be back in Junior High" flashbacks, it was a phenominal concert, and all kidding aside, I was glad to be able to share the experience with my parents. That, and it was an incredibly good concert. If it comes near your area, I'd say go!

On Saturday, we got up, and got my parent's RV loaded up and headed for Seattle. This was another slightly surreal experience. I have never travelled in an RV before. Ours is not a huge one - its more like an oversized van and actually gets around 15mpg, unlike the 5-6mpg the "motel on wheels" type get, so I didn't feel too guilty about it. Still, it was just one of those things I never pictured my self doing.
Incidentally, its actually kind of nice to travel with a refridgerator, a bed, a small kitchen, and a fold out table available. One really could get used to travelling in that kind of comfort. I was actaully able to swivel the passenger side chair around and play cards with my mom while my step-dad drove.
In Seattle, we stopped by my brother's house for a few hours and got to see Bethany, my 5 day old niece. It was a really nice visit. I got to hold her for a little while, but she was a bit sleepy. She is a beautiful baby - really tiny, and quite mellow. We decided not to stay too long as Lisa (my brother's wife) is still recovering from labor, and a newborn takes a lot of energy to care for.
I forgot to pack my camera, so sorry, no pictures (curses!). I'll get my brother to email me some in the near future so I can put some up.
For the remainder of the day, we drove down to catch a ferry out to Anderson Island, which is located near Olympia Washington, out on Puget Sound (a better blogger would have a link to a cool map here). The ferry out to the island is pretty big. You can just drive your car onto it and park, and then either sit in your car on the main deck, or take the stairs up and stand on the upper deck. It's about a 20 minute ride across the sound out to the island. The island itself is about 7 miles across (or was it 7 square miles - I forget). The reason we went there is that my parents just bought a 1/5 acre plot of land in a new development there. It is in a forested area, and has a view of beautiful lake Josephine. They hope to build a cabin on this property sometime in the next few years, and by this I mean they want to buy the materials and build it mostly themselves. As my stepdad worked as an engineer before he retired, they should be able to pull it off without too much trouble, but it will be a lot of work.
The island is a really cool place. Only a couple of thousand people live there, and of those, only about 800 are there year-round, while the rest are part year or just have a vacation property. Its a relly quiet, safe, and friendly community. We camped out there overnight, and came back over on the ferry today.
After that, we drove back to Eugene (not quite 5 hours) so that I could get settled and get a good night's sleep before class tomorrow.

All in all it was quite the weekend.

The Road Ahead

2004-08-06T11:23:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd write a brief note this morning, since I'm going to be on the road a lot this weekend and thus will probably not be able to post. I'm headed up to Portland to spend the afternoon/evening with my folks. We'll then continue on to Seattle first thing Saturday morning so that I can visit my new niece. It will be a nice change of pace after 5 days of intensive mathematics -- well, maybe not that intensive. I could be making better use of my time in the evenings (e.g. studying my notes, spending more time working on the exercises given in lecture) but I've been really wanting to finish the Brothers Karamazov (an almost 800 page Russian novel), so I've been spending a couple of hours every evening on that instead. I just finished the last chapter this morning before breakfast. I'm still processing it, so perhaps a bit more on that later.

On the plus side, I get to start a new book. I already have a few ideas (and a few books on my shelf at home that I am supposed to read before I buy any new ones). However, I figured that I should take advantage of this new electronic medium and give all of you gracious readers the opportunity to recommend a book to add to my personal reading list. So, the gauntlet has been thrown down -- who will rise to the challenge?

In the Library

2004-08-05T18:13:00.000-05:00

Well, here I am once again sitting in the Library at the University of Oregon. Incidentally, if you ever find yourself on a new university campus and are looking for a way to pass the time, I'd definitely recommend checking out the library (no pun intended). I have been to several campuses across the country, and make it a point to nose about each one to see what it is like, and what makes it distinctive from all the others I have been to.

That got me thinking not just about what is distinctive about each college campus, but also about the ways that many are so similar. It seems to me that university campuses share at least three distinctive features: an administration building, a student union, and a main library. I suppose there are others (like rec centers, intramural fields, dorms, athletic stadiums ...) but these vary quite a bit in size, scope, and form, while the big three tend to be quite uniform. Perhaps there is a reason for this that can be found by looking at the specific function of each of these places in university life.

The central administration building is like the head of the campus. It is the seat of power and authority. This is where the chancellors and presidents reside, where policy decisions are made. Funds are sent here to be sent to be added to the coffers, and edicts are issued to be obeyed by the university at large. Using a less biological metaphor, I would say that what we see here is the throneroom, or palace of the peculiar principality that is the modern university.

On the other hand, the student union is a place for the commoners to gather - the peasants if you will. It simulates he village common, or the town bazaar. There is food for sale in a variety of stalls, as well as supplies that can be purchased (books, paper, pens, notebooks ...). There are places to gather and meet and talk with old friends, or to meet new ones. There is also usually some sort of association of student clubs and organizations (the guilds for artisans and craftsmen as well as societies for philanthropists and idealists of all sorts). Out front there is usually an open green space, and perhaps a fountain. Usually an orator or two can be found, and more merchants peddling their fare, or political activists stirring up a crowd to achieve some desired end.

And so, continuing my extended metaphor of the university as a medieval village, you may wonder how the main library fits in. Have no fear, it does, it does!

The library is none other than the cathedral or temple. Now hear me out. You will find that it is a large building, centrally located - perhaps not the largest building on campus, but close, and generally more ornate in its design and stylings, with its marble or carved stone edifice. And what is the chief object of worship in the religion of secular humanism if not "knowledge" (or perhaps his two sisters "pleasure" and "greed"). There all paths cross, peasant and commoner alike, and do their obeisance to the idol of knowledge. For why else does the university exist but to instruct the top minds from each successive generation in the ways of the state religion, and to sacrifice all in the name of increasing the knowledge base. Whenever it is open, if you walk its dimly lit upper corridors, you will find stalwarts cloistered there in the stacks doing penance, or seeking favor on their next exam or assignment. Near the high holidays and feast days (better known as finals week) even those who were careless in carrying out religious duties during the rest of the year throng here hoping that some last deperate gesture of belief and devotion can somehow avert disaster and bring a desireable end to the current term.

And so here a sit in the temple of knowlege. There are two main doors at the front, and carved above them in stone is an inscription in two parts - one over each. They read: "You shall know the truth" and "The truth shall set you free"

I find myself wondering if these words are to believed. To what truth do they refer, and will knowledge of it truly bring freedom? These words are actually a direct quotation from
John 8:32, but they seem blurred and strained -- ripped from their original context and made to mean something quite different from their orignal intent.

Here is the passage in its entirety:

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?"
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
I know you are Abraham's descendants. Yet you are ready to kill me, because you have no room for my word. I am telling you what I have seen in the Father's presence, and you do what you have heard from your father."
"Abraham is our father," they answered. "If you were Abraham's children," said Jesus, "then you would do the things Abraham did. As it is, you are determined to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God. Abraham did not do such things. You are doing the things your own father does."
"We are not illegitimate children," they protested. "The only Father we have is God himself."
Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me?
He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God." The Jews answered him, "Aren't we right in saying that you are a Samaritan and demon-possessed?"
"I am not possessed by a demon," said Jesus, "but I honor my Father and you dishonor me. I am not seeking glory for myself; but there is one who seeks it, and he is the judge. I tell you the truth, if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death." At this the Jews exclaimed, "Now we know that you are demon-possessed! Abraham died and so did the prophets, yet you say that if anyone keeps your word, he will never taste death. Are you greater than our father Abraham? He died, and so did the prophets. Who do you think you are?"
Jesus replied, "If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing. My Father, whom you claim as your God, is the one who glorifies me. Though you do not know him, I know him. If I said I did not, I would be a liar like you, but I do know him and keep his word. Your father Abraham rejoiced at the thought of seeing my day; he saw it and was glad."
"You are not yet fifty years old," the Jews said to him, "and you have seen Abraham!"
"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "before Abraham was born, I am!" At this, they picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus hid himself, slipping away from the temple grounds. -- John 8:31-59

May that inscription hold true for university students aross this nation.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - John 14:6

The Meaning of Life

2004-08-04T19:15:00.000-05:00

I was thinking a bit about my purpose in life today. I guess its an easy thing to do when one is sitting through 2 hour math lecture that was only scheduled to last an hour and a half. Really, I tend to spend a fair bit of time trying to address the question of why I do what I do each day, whether or not my daily actions are in line with my core beliefs and consistent with my purpose for being, and also whether my beliefs are in line with truth and reality. I'm never completely happy with the answers to these questions, but the reasons for my dissatisfaction differ greatly - not from day to day, but from question to question. Part of the problem is that the questions inevitably start from the external and work inward, whole the answers must proceed in the opposite direction.

I don't really have any pithy answers at the moment, but I decided that the best thing to do when one is a bit morose and pensive is to see what the Scripturese have to say on the subject in question. So, here for your perusal are a few passages that I found to be informative, encouraging, and challenging on the subject of the art of living well. Enjoy!

"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them." - Deuteronomy 30:19-20

And behold, a man came up to him, saying, "Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?" And he said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments." He said to him, "Which ones?" And Jesus said, "You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." The young man said to him, "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" Jesus said to him, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. - Matthew 19:16-22

"You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life." - John 5:39-40

"I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh." The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?" So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not as the fathers ate and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever." - John 6:48-58

"I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." - John 10:9-11

"And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." - John 17:3

"The words of the wise are like goads, and like nails firmly fixed are the collected sayings; they are given by one Shepherd. My son, beware of anything beyond these. Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh. The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil." Ecclesiastes 12:11-14

A Welcome Addition

2004-08-03T22:13:00.000-05:00

Well, its less than 24 hours into my blogging experience and I'm already posting again.

For those of you not in the know, I am currently out in Eugene Oregon attending an intensive summer graduate course on Hyperplane Rerrangements. Maybe I'll explain a bit about what those are and why they are interesteing in my next post (then again, maybe I won't, as I don't want to scare off all of my faithful readers). I'll be out here in the Pacific Northwest for about two more weeks before heading back to Nebraska.

Anyhow, this post really wasn't supposed to be about me or about mathematics, so forgive the brief digression. The addition I was referring to in the title of this post has only a peripheral reference to things mathematical in nature. Indeed, what I wanted to mention is that I found out that I am an uncle again (three times over now). Yesterday, my twin brother Eddie and his wife Lisa welcomed their new daughter Bethany Iris James into the world. Last I heard both mother and daughter were doing well, but do keep them in your prayers.

I couldn't be more pleased with the timing. Since my brother lives in Seattle (only a few hours up I-5 from where I am in Oregon), I will be able to go up and visit them and get a chance to meet my new niece this coming weekend. I am looking foreward to seeing them.

I'll try to post some photos (if I can get all that figured out) although that may have to wait until I get back to Nebraska where I can access the computer in my office.
(For you blogger pros out there: Do I have to store photos locally and upload them via a url reference? Is it worth it to go through the trouble of signing up for photo hosting?).

Welcome to My Blog

2004-08-03T15:35:00.000-05:00

Howdy Folks,

Thanks for visiting my new blog. I'm still getting things set up, so pardon the disarray and overall lack of content. I'll try to write something more substantial once I get a better feel for how I want to use this space. But for now, a question to get things rolling, and to test to see if anyone is actually reading this:

What do you think the title of my blog is supposed to mean?

The best (or funniest) answer (to be judged solely by me in an arbitrary and capricious manner) wins a prize (to be determined later).

Justin